Guys, I have had a really busy day doing Law Stuff (contrary to popular belief, we don’t make a living off this site, so we are forced to hold down day jobs because apparently monetizing this bitch is never going to happen), so my brain is currently the consistency of oatmeal. Therefore I can’t make any promises about the quality of the snark in this post, but I will give it my best shot, because there are a few snarkworthy things from the third episode of The White Queen (2013).
The episode opens with the Warwicks doing their typical shady shit, in the name of putting Henry VI back on the throne and deposing Edward. The countess is wearing her typical costume for this show, a green velvet gown with a deep fur-trimmed V neckline. I’m finding myself liking her outfits the most out of everyone in the cast, mainly because they stick most closely to the fashion of the period.
Isabel and Anne are also wearing the same outfits from last episode. Isobel’s is the one I have the most issues with, because it’s really a weird, ill-fitting mishmash of 16th century Italian. You can’t see a lot of what Anne is wearing, but it looks more like the style of the 1470s.
Isabel’s dress is giving me mad vibes from this portrait of a lady by Italian painter Paris Bordone, c. 1550.
Marge tearing it up on her way to be the most blandly ambitious woman in England. I have zero nice things to say about this outfit, but I think that’s probably the point.
Isabel, now a duchess, has another costume change. It’s … weirdly Italian. Again.
Finally, Elizabeth is back in the story! And she’s wearing a re-wear from the first episode under a sleeveless fur-lined robe. I give it 10/10 Mehs.
And I’m back to not hating the Countess of Warwick’s outfit, even if it has unnecessary lacing.
Elizabeth gets another blue gown. Nothing to super love here, nor super hate. It’s nice. Her mother is wearing basically the same witchy shit she always wears, with that weird hairdo I am not a huge fan of.
Digging the Countess’ crown and crispinette, even if it is a little wonky. This is a tricky style to pull off, but it really suits her.
Back and top view, for those of you who are into this sort of thing.
Frodo gets a nice blue velvet doublet, which I don’t hate.
Elizabeth is back in her Princess Bride outfit, from episode one. I hate Jacquetta’s hair less in the snood-type-thing she’s got on, rather than those obnoxious Princess Leia buns. The only critique I have of Frodo’s costume is the fabric definitely looks like it’s that discounted upholstery material we all know it is.
I want to hate the proportions of this hat so much, but these things were actually ridiculously huge.
Go big, or go home.
Ok, so, real talk. These pants are basically 18th c. trousers with the flap at the front substantially shrunk down so as to be totally pointless.
18th c. pants confirmed.
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
Meanwhile, back in Weird Italian Renaissance Tudor Princess Land … Anne gets a new gown, that inexplicably has a funky stomacher down the front. I tried finding a better shot of the dress but couldn’t get one, so my questions will have to remain unanswered for now. Isabel is pregnant and apparently doesn’t get to wear nice things anymore.
I want to hate you, Marge, but that headwrap is seriously spot-on for the era.
This painting dates to the 1490s, but you get the idea.
THAT IS A TUDOR WOMAN IN THE BACKGROUND. COME ON, PEOPLE.
Sigh … I’m giving this episode a 3/10 on the historical accuracy scale, and a 10/10 on the “only weirdos with blogs about historical costume will give a shit about this.”
The costumes really are crap, but I gotta say, Jacquetta is a freaking legend in this show. She was, hands down, my favorite character (other than Margaret Beaufort; I put aside my rage over their snotty-bitch depiction of her because it’s just so damn entertaining!).
Yay! No Burger King crowns this week. :)
It’s the little things, sometimes!
I give a shit on these things as well – you are not alone! Great points all round; everything just looks a little off, unfitted and lacking research and/or any real design. You are totally spot-on in the fact that those are basically 18th Century ‘fall front’ breeches, only in really odd fabric. They look like they were made for some sort of sporting event… maybe racing car driving? Maybe I only say that as they look like they were crafted from some sort of car upholstery. Also, how are you supposed to wee in/out of those things? The flap is way to high! I am also bugged by Jacquetta’s ‘Princess Leia buns’. I am really not sure why they thought that they were a good idea… they are not particularly period and they do nothing for the actress. Bah. Right, rant over. lol. Massive thanks for the post.
Will Aneurin Barnard forever be “Frodo”? I get it, but he’s just such a cutie, and he can sing. I have a soft spot for Welshmen (it was my semester abroad), and Tolkien’s Frodo just isn’t a dateable figure. I’m a big Tolkien nerd, but he was very straitlaced about that aspect of his characters.
I realize this isn’t a real issue, and I’m very much enjoying the hate watching of a PFG series on WTF Starz.
Some years ago I wrote the basis of the TV Tropes page for this series. After putting in as many entries as I thought important I essentially abandoned it. Months later I returned to find that another editor had added a great many fawning list items relating to Richard & Anne, including a detailed description of their wedding night scene.
Okay, that’s hysterical.
I was a teen when the series came out, I was pretty into the Richard & Anne ship that was surprisingly strong online back then, mostly because I thought Aneurin was cute (even though I laughed at the Frodo joke, I still think he still is, but he aged so little that I thought he was a bit too youthful for my taste now when I watched him in 1899), but the story about the shipper on TV Tropes had me in stitches here lol To be fair, compared to all the rest in the series it was one of the best relationships indeed.
What is with the anachronistic trousers instead of hose? Fifteenth century men, especially hunks like Edward IV, loved to show off their legs to the appreciative ladies. If your legs couldn’t take exposure you wore long gowns.
Why is Margaret Beaufort, the richest heiress in England, dressing like a church mouse?
That would be due to the show (and the novels) generally characterising her as Lord High Inquisitor-in-waiting (or, more accurately, as intensely religious lady to the point of being almost as devoted to the Church as she is to the Glorious Cause of Lancaster-come-Tudor).
The show’s interpretation is, in fact, quite delightfully worrisome in her intensity (her proud declaration that she has “saint’s knees” is a glory to behold).
Entertaining perhaps but not historical.
If one wishes sober history, it might be wiser to look for it in a documentary instead of a drama! (-;
Aneurin Banard is gorgeous but his Richard III hair is sad. No wonder Henry VI overthrew him. He needed better hair (yeah, I know Henry had the same hair- he just wore it better).
Well Henry VIII had to get his gift for Looks from somewhere, so it could very well have been dear old Dad (aka King Henry VII).