It’s Festivus, aka, The Spanish Princess (2019), Starz’ new adaptation of a Philippa Fucking Gregory book about Catherine of Aragon, has premiered! Strap in for all sorts of historical wtf-ery and some deeply wackjob costuming by Phoebe de Gaye in the next of many recaps. Frock Flicks is a family: if I have to suffer, you have to suffer with me.
Rosa is going to pop home to Spain, because she “needs to see her family” and that’s something that ladies-in-waiting apparently do in this world. Catherine is supportive.
“Maggie” Pole is so down on her luck that she’s mortar-and-pestle-ing herself and her kids are going hungry. She tries to steal an egg from one of her tenants (to feed her kids) and breaks it.
Princess Mary is having her wedding gown made, for her proxy wedding to the future Charles V of Spain. Margaret Beaufort admonishes the seamstresses not to use too much trim, as weddings in England are religious affairs, unlike in filthy Spain.
Catherine turns up at court wanting to talk to the king. Stafford is smarmy and a jerk, and takes her to Margaret Beaufort, who tells her that Prince Henry will be marrying Catherine’s neice, Joanna’s daughter Eleanor (of Austria, future Queen of France).
Henry is busy praying about what to do, hasn’t made up his mind about who he will marry. As though it were up to him.
Lina is trying to reconcile herself to the fact that Oviedo is making money by working for Margaret Beaufort.
Catherine goes to court to try to find Prince Henry, who she has been told is already in Spain getting ready to marry Eleanor. She completely randomly runs into two little girls, an older blond and a younger brunette named (dun dun DUN) Anne, and asks them if they know where Prince Henry is. COULD THIS BE ANNE BOLEYN (and her older sister Mary)??!! ZOMG THE FORESHADOWING.
Catherine has a dream in which Henry says he loves her, but then that kings can only play with love and he’ll marry Eleanor.
Catherine receives an Important Letter from her father, Ferdinand of Aragon, telling her that Joanna’s husband Philip has died, Joanna has gone crazy and been locked up, and Ferdinand is now king of “Spain” (in other words, Castile).
Maggie Pole can’t feed her children. She drops her teenage son at her brother’s?, who is busy planning Edmund de la Pole’s rebellion. He asks her to support Pole’s cause, she refuses. Maggie then goes to STAY WITH CATHERINE; Catherine gives her yet another of her patented speeches about finding her destiny.
Catherine got another card to play – her father has made her Spain’s ambassador! She will be taking the previous ambassador’s rooms at court. Margaret Beaufort zings back, telling her she can arrange Princess Mary’s proxy marriage to Charles. Catherine zings back, saying that Margaret has a better claim to the throne than her son or grandson, if only England would allow a queen regnant.
Catherine preps for the proxy wedding. “Maggie” Beaufort goes back to her brother’s? house and tells him she’s All In for the Edmund de la Pole rebellion, and she wants to end every last Tudor.
At the proxy wedding, Princess Mary can’t be found. Catherine finds her in the chapel and gives her marriage-y advice. Mary tells Catherine that Henry is at Hatfield House, near London.
As the wedding ensues, Oviedo gives Margaret Beaufort a note that says that Edmund de la Pole is in England and names all the conspirators, including “Maggie” Pole. Soldiers show up and arrest all the conspirators, except maybe not Maggie…
The last episode — of this season — airs next week! Strap in!