If you like historical costume and haven’t been living under a rock since 2010, you know all about The Tudors — Showtime’s soap-opera version of the life and loves of King Henry VIII. We don’t need to tell you that the costuming is a bullsh*t fantasy version of 16th-century forced through a lens of sex, cheap budgets, and who gives a crap. At least, we hope we don’t need to explain why it’s bad. If you’re not clear on what constitutes historically accurate Tudor costume, please to be go reading The Tudor Tailor, for starters, then come back so you can snark with us, kthx.
Since picking the good costumes out of that steaming pile would be a royal PITA, let’s have some fun and count down 10 of the most What The FROCK?!?! things worn in Showtime’s The Tudors series, starting with…
1. Jane Seymour in Rumpled Orange
Princess seams for a princess? No ironing, or is that all rumpled because Henry’s already given her a bit of the ol’ hide ‘n seek?
2. Catherine of Aragon’s Hat-Thing
OMG, SOMETHING’S EATING CATHERINE OF ARAGON’S HEAD!!!
3. Margaret Tudor Goes Off-the-Shoulder
“I’m a fictional character! So who needs historically accurate clothes!”
4. Henry Ditches the Sleeves
Sleeves are for wimps like Francis I.
5. Catherine Howard’s Airy-Fairy Dress
Borrowed from Dangerous Beauty. Or a belly dance festival.
6. Anne Boleyn’s Yellow Fascinator
Right in line with modern British royalty.
7. Henry’s Burger King Crown
As if that smarmy mustache weren’t bad enough.
8. Catherine Howard’s Blue & Gold Dress
They really knew how to make Katherine look young and stupid. Put her in the most ridiculous outfits ever, plus hair extensions up the wazoo.
9. Poor Anne of Cleves
They really didn’t have a clue here. They just slapped some random “ethnic” prints together with chunky necklaces and invented weird headdresses.
10. The So-Called Masquerade Costumes
Complete with white corsets, coffee-filter neck ruffs, and tutus for the gals and Hefty-garbage-bag gladiator costumes for the guys. It’s an allegory! Yes, an allegory for “we have no budget, did no research, and don’t know crap about the 16th century!”
Oh yes, there were so many more to choose from! But these were my 10 faves. What did I miss? What costume horrors are burned into your brain by this show? Share!
Oh look!! They stole the courtesan outfit from Dangerous Beauty for Catherine Howard!
Well she was a slut, rite?
Lordy, these are 1000 time worst than I remembered.
My favourites were the BK crown and mushroom hat thingie. My sides!
And yet they, with all their horror, are still 1000 times better than ‘Reign’!
“Where the hell *IS* Cleves, anyway?”
“I dunno, maybe somewhere in Africa?”
“Yeah, why the hell not?”
Geography is hard, let’s go shopping?
OMG those are freaking elephants on Anne of Cleve’s dress!
Maybe they were trying to show that Henry didn’t like Anne because she was an elephant? I have no idea.
What is sad is the costumes on Reign makes this show look like a documentary.
What about that weird purple slip-thing that Anne Boleyn wore when she was accusing Henry of having a harem? OMG, I loved and hated it at the same time because as pretty as it was, no one in their right mind would be caught dead in it. I actually can’t find an image on it! It was in season 2.
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/0d/39/71/0d3971c25f4c79b2c8290328f5949ff8.jpg
Its horrible. My least favorite of Natalie Dormer’s costumes
It’s sheer at the bussom! How did they think that would pass for acceptable in the Tudor era?! Any woman walking about like that today would be fined for public indecency.
LOL. I actually enjoyed the neck ruffs. Which I’m sure makes me a woman without style.
Multiple instances of fitted sleeves attached only at the shoulder with no shift. More skin does not equal sexy when we’re talking about armpits.
I feel like Anne of Cleves hat was stolen from the Byzantine empire…and then screwed up in transit :-p
About Anne of Cleeves’ headdress thing – I spent years hating it and thinking it was completely made up. However, last few days I was researching German renaissance clothing (since it seems there were a few distinctive styles and everything gets tossed together). And imagine my surprise when I found this: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/94646029639370725/ It’s a 1470s headdress from Swabia and… doesn’t it look like the one Anne is wearing? It has similar shape shape, it has the pearls on the base, it only lacks the stones. So while it is from a completely different region and from a different time period, the costumers did actually refer to something!
It’s no excuse for the dress though…
I know this is like 5 years too late, but I’ve found one that’s even closer:
https://www.pinterest.es/pin/190628996706284332/
They might have used it as a reference, which is honestly kind of a surprise considering how the rest looks…
I just cracked up over the burger king crown reference — now I can’t un-see it.
I know this is an old post but had to let you guys know that I was having a really hard day and this post made it so much better. I laughed out loud at “Burger King crown.”
And not just white corsets… White mesh corsets. I can definitely see Ann’s breast outline between the boning channels. Wonderful.
I know I’m super late to this party, but any thoughts on the winter hat Anne wears? The furry thing with three white balls?