SNARK WEEK: Spotting Eggbeards in Frock Flicks

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I thought that “eggbeard” was a term of common parlance, but not only have I discovered that many Frock Flicks readers are unfamiliar with it, but I’m the only writer to use it (at least in my posts)! That means it falls on me (oh joy) to explain this term and concept. And it’s true, do a google for “eggbeard” and nothing much comes up. It’s not even in Urban Dictionary! WTFrock, kids!

2018 Mary Queen of Scots

So this meme probably confused y’all! That’s David Tennant in 2018’s Mary Queen of Scots — as John Knox. Okay, so the real Knox did have a long beard. That doesn’t mean I have to find it attractive!

I think I learned the term amongst my historical costumer friends, particularly those who perform at Renaissance faires. The term simply refers to a man’s beard that’s long, unkempt, and likely has bits of food stuck in it. Where did the term come from? I can’t tell you, as the only things Google turns up are a few usages as gamers’ user names and a 1930 satirical book, 1066 and All That, which mentions various egg- names for Anglo-Saxon kings, including “Eggbeard.”

All I can really do is demonstrate with visuals what I mean when I use the term “eggbeard”!

2021 Leonardo

Here I made you a handy guide. In Leonardo (2021), Aidan Turner‘s beard is long and scraggy, while his two companions have nicely trimmed beards.

2006 Pirates of the Caribbean- Dead Man's Chest

Anything with pirates — like Jack Davenport in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006) — is destined to have long, scraggy beards. And hey, it’s helpful when you’re shipwrecked to find bits of food in your beard!

Pirates of the Caribbean

Often it’s the pubic-hair-ness of the eggbeard that really gives me the shudders, like on Geoffrey Rush in Pirates of the Caribbean.

Painted With Words (2010)

Benedict Cumberbatch as Vincent Van Gogh in Painted With Words (2010). Scraggy and weedy. © BBC 2009

Self-Portrait by Vincent van Gogh, 1887, Art Institute of Chicago

That must just be Cumberbatch’s (unfortunate) natural beard, because van Gogh had a perfectly lovely beard! Thick and trimmed nicely | Self-Portrait by Vincent van Gogh, 1887, Art Institute of Chicago

1985 Burke & Wills

I have no idea how much Greta Scacchi is getting paid to flirt with that eggbeard in Burke & Wills (1985), but I hope it’s a lot.

2009 The Last Station

Christopher Plummer as Tolstoy in The Last Station (2009). Yes, it’s very historically accurate. But it ruins all my Captain Von Trapp fantasies.

2019 Hernán

ALLLL the soldiers in 2019’s Hernán forgot to bring scissors when they invaded Mexico.

Legends of the Fall (1994)

Legends of the Fall (1994) goes straight downhill once Brad Pitt lets this thing attack his face.

1979 The Rebels

Don Johnson glues on his eggbeard in 1979’s The Rebels, part of The Kent Family Chronicles.

Now, it should be noted that I am seriously pro-facial hair! I just like it groomed! Here are some beards I have swooned over in the past:

2018 Holmes & Watson

Billy Zane is always hot, but when he’s rocking this salt & pepper beard in 2018’s Holmes & Watson? rrrrr!

1984 Freud

The key is just not to grow it too long, as Michael Kitchen demonstrates in 1984’s Freud.

2006 The Nativity Story

Keep it trimmed, y’all! Oscar Isaac in 2006’s The Nativity Story. Is it inappropriate to have the hots for Joseph?

2000 The Golden Bowl

Oh Jeremy Northam. You sexy devil you. Your beard looked great with this Elizabethan costume in The Golden Bowl (2000)…

2000 The Golden Bowl

… and equally fabulous when you were dressed in contemporary Edwardian gear.

The Cherry Orchard (1999)

GERARD BUTLER. The Cherry Orchard (1999). Hello sailor!

2011-12-Years-a-Slave

Nope, beards don’t have to be a dark color for me to like them! They just need to be GROOMED. Michael Fassbender in 12 Years a Slave (2011).

The Age of Adaline (2015)

Michiel Huisman. The Age of Adaline (2015). You’re welcome. On several levels.

Jericho (2016)

Add a good beard to an actor I’m not particularly excited about, like Hans Matheson in 2016’s Jericho, and you get a great result!

 

I hope we’re clear now! Feel free to share your scariest frock flick eggbeards in the comments.

 

 

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17 Responses

  1. Susan Pola Staples

    Any actor playing Rasputin is definitely Eggbeard. Not Eggbeard Petrucchio as portrayed by Sir Richard Burton.

    Reply
    • L Levy

      I was raised on Richard Armour books, and discovered 1066 later. I think I have an extra copy of it, if you want to borrow..

      Reply
    • MoHub

      Oh, yes! I read all the Richard Armour books back in the day and would love to have them again.

      Reply
  2. Aleko

    Kendra, the mere notion of Finding John Knox Attractive has made me quite queasy. I’ve no objection to a bit of kink, but come on, that’s just perverted… (Scurries off to scrub brain.)

    Reply
  3. Lily Lotus Rose

    Kendra, I’m right there with you. I am very much pro-facial hair–GROOMED facial hair. My general rule is: Once the beard is 3D, then I’m not a fan. And to answer your question, no, it’s not inappropriate to have the hots for St. Joseph as played by Oscar Isaac. If so, I’ve been sinning ever since The Nativity Story came out.

    Reply
    • Pauline Costianes

      Don’t feel bad about having hots for Oscar Isaac – It’s a natural outcome of laying eyes on him. In Zefferelli’s Jesus of Nazareth, Joseph was played by some hot dark-eyed, dark-haired Greek actor, and Lordy-me!!!

      Reply
  4. Orian Hutton

    I don’t particularly mind an eggbeard on an older man, like Tolstoy, so long as its clean. And I don’t particularly like a very groomed eggbeard on a man when it makes him appear to be too interested in his own appearance.

    As for a scary one, if I am allowed to venture into the realm of fantasy. I offer up fat Thor in ‘Endgame’. We are meant to squirm and squirm I do.

    What is your considered opinion on plaited/braided beards? They are long, but sort of tidied up. I ind some of these quite attractive in a very masculine sort of way, but others really give me the creeps. Haven’t yet worked out what the difference is.

    Reply
  5. Emily Smith

    Long beards can look good. They just need to be clean, brushed, and shaped properly. Not many guys seem to do any of that.

    Reply
    • Pauline Costianes

      I’m with Kendra. There aren’t any long beards that look good to me – they’re aging. But taste is very subjective

      Reply

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