Marquise of Darkness – Two Thumbs Down

6

Here at Frock Flicks HQ, I’m pretty much the bottom-feeder of the trio. I’ll review the worst movies with absolute glee — blame it on my misspent youth watching MST3K. My bar is pretty low, in other words, so when I saw Marquise of Darkness (2010) on Amazon Video, I decided it was something that I needed to watch. Much to my surprise, Trystan had recently panned it as not worth the energy. I was not so easily dissuaded, however!

It stars French actress Anne Parillaud, who has appeared a number of times in English-language films, and is perhaps best known for her role in La Femme Nikita (1990). She’s not a bad actress from what I can tell of the stuff I’ve watched her in over the years, but for whatever reason, Trystan was totally right: Marquise of Darkness is so not worth the time and energy.

“Dear God, please make it stop.”

Right off the bat, I hate to be the asshole who is all, “The lead actors are too old,” because I’m usually all for the casting of actors who are north of 30 in juicy roles, but seriously. There’s a limit to how far I’m willing to suspend disbelief when a 50-year-old woman is playing an ingenue half her age.

“I’M TWENTY-SEVEN.”

Anne Parillaud has a real problem with Chronic Resting Derp Face in this show.

I can’t even see the appeal of this guy, but whatever. It’s clearly not about me.

No one uses silverware when they eat. I promise you, they had forks and knives in 17th-century France.

Anyway, I’m not going to belabor the point, here. I couldn’t even finish Marquise of Darkness, it was that bad. The costumes couldn’t even make up for the fact that it’s just. so. bad. I only made it to the first weird sex scene and had to nope out.

 

Did you make it further? Tell me what I’m missing in the comments!

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About the author

Sarah Lorraine

Sarah has an undergraduate degree in Clothing & Textile Design and a Master's in Art History and Visual Culture, with an emphasis on fashion history. When she’s not caught in paralyzing existential dread, she's drinking craft cocktails and writing about historical costume in film and television. She's been pissing people off on the internet since 1995.

6 Responses

    • Sarah Lorraine

      I went through two double Manhattans in the first 45 minutes of the show before I realized I was probably going to end up putting myself in the hospital if I kept it up.

      The sucky thing is that the story about the Marquise De Brinvilliers, and her involvement in the scandal that kicked off the Affair of the Poisons, is REALLY SUPER INTERESTING. It deserves a better adaptation than this.

      Reply
  1. picasso Manu

    I never heard of it! Oh, it’s a TV film, that explains a lot.
    I did a little digging and it apparently came and went with little fanfare. Could only find one critique on it, and it was …. uncomplimentary (more like Conan’s wrath, someone REALLY wanted her two hours back!)
    Bah. Happens.

    Strangely, happens more with aging actresses with a nice address book, who seem to consider a movie “en costume”(with some Louis XIV for flavor) will both compensate for fleeing youth and flagging acting ability. Seldom work, but not for lack of trying!

    Reply
  2. Kelly

    If I remember my Norbert Elias correctly it was only by mid 18th century that fork use for eating from your own plate became standardized in France.

    Reply

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