Let’s be very honest here. Disney’s Jungle Cruise (2021) is not high cinema. It is not meant to be high cinema. It will never be high cinema. And you know what? That is perfectly ok. There are a lot of very cynical reviews about this flick, I’m not here to belabor any of that. Do a simple Google search and you will be delivered all of them.
It is an enjoyable 2 hours and 38 minutes of ridiculous good fun which is exactly what I (your mileage may entirely vary) needed.
This film checks several of my “ridiculous good fun” boxes:
Does it have The Rock in it? Yes.
Is it emotionally taxing? No.
Is there just enough costume content to keep me interested? YES. The costumes were designed by Paco Delgado (The Danish Girl, Les Misérables) and are spot on for 1916, insofar as we are dealing with civilians and not plucky heroines. A special mention should be made for the armor, which might have been CGI, but is some of the best 16th-century armor I’ve seen on film in … ever?
I understand if you’re like, “I NEED EVERYTHING TO BE SUPER SERIOUS AT ALL TIMES” or “I CANNOT HANDLE LEVITY WITHOUT HAVING TO MENTION ALL THE SHIT WRONG WITH THE FILM.” If this is you, skip this film, skip this review, bye, come back when we are reviewing some depressing art house film. It’ll be, like, in the next week or so.
For the rest of you, please enjoy. Enjoy it with a delightful beverage of your choice. Enjoy it in your pajamas. Enjoy it naked. I don’t care. Do whatever your little heart requires to enjoy.
Or don’t! Skip it! That’s the beauty of the world we live in. You have choices.
Did Disney’s Jungle Cruise horribly disappoint you? Tell us alllll about it in excruciating detail in the comments!