Jungle Cruise (2021)


Let’s be very honest here. Disney’s Jungle Cruise (2021) is not high cinema. It is not meant to be high cinema. It will never be high cinema. And you know what? That is perfectly ok. There are a lot of very cynical reviews about this flick, I’m not here to belabor any of that. Do a simple Google search and you will be delivered all of them.

Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt are, together, Indiana Jones, Jack Burton, Marion Ravenwood, and Rose Sayer. rolled into one aesthetically pleasing duo.

It is an enjoyable 2 hours and 38 minutes of ridiculous good fun which is exactly what I (your mileage may entirely vary) needed.

The amazing Veronica Falcón (Perry Mason) is in this film and dear gods, I hope they give her a bigger role in the next installment of this franchise.

This film checks several of my “ridiculous good fun” boxes:

Does it have The Rock in it? Yes.

Boy howdy, does it have The Rock in it. Also, that’s an amazing double-breasted waistcoat.

Is it emotionally taxing? No.

Sorry, but your emotionally taxing film is in another castle.

Is there just enough costume content to keep me interested? YES. The costumes were designed by Paco Delgado (The Danish Girl, Les Misérables) and are spot on for 1916, insofar as we are dealing with civilians and not plucky heroines. A special mention should be made for the armor, which might have been CGI, but is some of the best 16th-century armor I’ve seen on film in … ever?

I’m not even kidding. This is some great armor, even if this shot makes it look cheesy.

I understand if you’re like, “I NEED EVERYTHING TO BE SUPER SERIOUS AT ALL TIMES” or “I CANNOT HANDLE LEVITY WITHOUT HAVING TO MENTION ALL THE SHIT WRONG WITH THE FILM.” If this is you, skip this film, skip this review, bye, come back when we are reviewing some depressing art house film. It’ll be, like, in the next week or so.

I can feel you all being so disappointed in me.

For the rest of you, please enjoy. Enjoy it with a delightful beverage of your choice. Enjoy it in your pajamas. Enjoy it naked. I don’t care. Do whatever your little heart requires to enjoy.

Yes, you see the backside of water. And these people.

Just Enjoy.

Or don’t! Skip it! That’s the beauty of the world we live in. You have choices.

Could I give fewer fucks than The Rock right now? Probably not.


Did Disney’s Jungle Cruise horribly disappoint you? Tell us alllll about it in excruciating detail in the comments!


About the author

Sarah Lorraine

Sarah has an undergraduate degree in Clothing & Textile Design and a Master's in Art History and Visual Culture, with an emphasis on fashion history. When she’s not caught in paralyzing existential dread, she's drinking craft cocktails and writing about historical costume in film and television. She's been pissing people off on the internet since 1995.

12 Responses

  1. Roxana

    Anything with the Rock in it is going to be fun. That should go without saying 😁

  2. Hooley

    I wasn’t convinced about the perfection of Edgar Ramirez’s armour until I knew a morion was part of the ensemble. Found a photo of Mr. Ramirez wearing a morion — it is perfection.

  3. Jennie Gist

    Haven’t seen it yet, but we probably will. Re: high/low cinema, my hubby and I came to the conclusion years ago that there’s still room for a great B-movie now and then, and Dwayne Johnson is a great B-movie star.

  4. Colleen Crosby

    Paid to see it on premier D+. So far I’ve watched it twice. I can’t wait to go see it in 3D. Loved it!

    • Karlie

      It was fun! It very much felt like they mashed Indiana Jones, Romancing the Stone, Star Wars, and Pirates of the Carribean together, but it was still fun and often pretty funny! I’d watch it again once it’s on regular D+ (my in laws bought it on their account when we watched it).

  5. Kitty N

    I have a mighty need for Emily Blunt’s suit from the final scene. I’m just lying in wait for some decent screen shots.

  6. Alissa

    It sounds like 2021’s version of The Mummy, which is all to the good.

  7. Katie O.

    This was the first movie I saw in theatres since fall of 2019, and what a treat it was lol. It was so much fun! There were plenty of delightfully corny puns like in the original ride, I thought the combo of Frank, Lily, and Macgregor balanced each other nicely, and I laughed a lot. That’s all I want after the last year and a half, frankly. Uncomplicated fun, genuine laughter, pretty ladies in suits. I’m a simple person lol

  8. Jamie LaMoreaux

    I LOVE a good popcorn flick. sometimes you just need something that isn’t heavy with “serious drama/meaning!” and want something like popcorn. lite, airy and fun to eat. can’t wait to see it!

  9. Karen K.

    I was ambivalent about this one until I saw your image of Edgar Ramirez. OH HELLO.
    And that shot of the three disappointed is just begging to to turned into a meme!