In Honor of Halloween: Twilight Costume Snark

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So I (Kendra) was recently joking around with Trystan that I should do a post about the “historical” costumes in Twilight, thinking of the cheesy 1920s costumes in the first movie… when I realized, hey, there’s actually a decent amount of historical flashback scenes! And it’s Twilight, so you all can make fun of me!

Yes. I have not only seen all of the Twilight movies, I saw all of them except the first on opening night. Why? Well, first I went to see the first one when everyone was talking about it, and discovered that Robert Pattinson made me giggle like a 12 year old. After that, it was to enjoy the cheese. You’ve never laughed as hard as you do when you’re in an audience of hundreds of screaming girls. I even dragged the husband to a few, just to watch him squirm. Hey, once I commit, I commit!

So yeah, being in full awareness of their total lack of quality, and the fact that vampires aren’t supposed to sparkle… historical Twilight costumes.

In the first movie, we get a quick fuzzy shot of the main vampires wearing 1920s “hunting” costume in a flashback scene:

My theory is that it’s shot so fuzzily because they don’t want you to see what they’re actually wearing, which, let us remember the first film had very little budget and it showed:

I’m not sure which circus Rosalie (the blonde in front) escaped from, but I know I don’t want to know. And I love that RPatz is doing his best Jaunty Hobo impression.

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Later movies had more budget, although whether or not that affected the actual Twilight costumes varied. The Volturi looked pretty darn hot in 18th century embroidered coats (especially Michael Sheen as lead bad guy Aro — I had no idea he could get so pretty!):

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Rosalie looked cute and pretty in her 1930s ensembles — LOVE the hair:

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Civil War soldier Jasper just looked tragic, mostly because of some really bad choices in the wig department:

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His vampire creator Maria looked pretty decent in her corset, although why the lace-up fronts in an era of split busks? The LAYERED BANGS on her blonde henchwoman are very Sweet Valley High:

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And when the creator of a vampire child is executed back in ye olde timey land, we learn that lipstick and hair extensions ARE historically accurate… as are METAL GROMMETS (which, as we know, are the Visible Panty Lines of historical costumes):

Good lord. I have now spent WAY too much time reacquainting myself with Twilight costumes, and I firmly have this so-bad-it’s-good Eurovision song stuck in my head. I blame you all.