The Spanish Princess Recap: Episode 1

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It’s Festivus, aka, The Spanish Princess (2019), Starz’ new adaptation of a Philippa Fucking Gregory book about Catherine of Aragon, has premiered! Strap in for all sorts of historical wtf-ery and some deeply wackjob costuming by Phoebe de Gaye in the first of many recaps. Frock Flicks is a family: if I have to suffer, you have to suffer with me.

Spain, 1501. Queen Isabella of Castile is a badass in her netted caul and wrapped braid. A voice over (Catherine with an English accent) gives us the basics, which I thought was a refreshing change from all the productions that try to weave backstory into dialogue and therefore make the characters sound stupid (“I’m the king’s brother and he has no children, what do you MEAN I’m next in line to the throne??!!”).

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

King Henry VII and Queen Elizabeth (of York) are very, very worried about when the Spanish Infanta Catalina aka Catherine will arrive to marry their son and heir, Arthur. Until then, Henry informs us, “we are lost.” Um, “lost” seems very final. Elizabeth wears a blue gown for the first of a million times.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Get used to this gown, you’re going to see it a lot.

Catherine prays, because that’s what good Spanish princesses do, and then portentously observes A Crown Randomly Hanging Out in the Chapel. I sincerely doubt the Spanish monarchs keep one or both of their crowns on display. This isn’t the crown jewels at the Tower of London, people. Thankfully, she has a Spanish accent now.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

There’s the sari dress.

Catherine is played by Charlotte Hope, and unfortunately for all of us, I’ve just finished rewatching/bingeing all of Game of Thrones, so all I can see is The Cutty-Uppy Guy’s (aka Ramsay Bolton) girlfriend, the kennelmaster’s daughter Myranda. She’s hanging with her new lady-in-waiting, the fictionalized Lina de Cardonnes, who is standing in for the Moorish servants Catherine really did bring with her to England. Which, as we’ve discussed previously, meant they were of North African origin, not sub-saharan African (see the comments on this post). We could go off on a whole tangent about this character, but basically I’ll say that yay for representing people of color in European history, I’m not a POC so I don’t want to nitpick this too much, I wish they had styled her hair in a more period-appropriate way but I’m glad it’s up.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Catherine’s dresser does not understand spiral lacing. This is what happens when you start the lacing on the wrong side. It can be fixed in about 3 minutes, by redoing the lacing. You’re welcome.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Lina’s dress just looks like a weird calico Holly Hobby print on screen. She is also QUEEN of the head necklaces as a clunky method of making her look exotic.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

The first of what will be many inflatable plane pillows used as headdresses!

We also meet Catherine’s other key lady-in-waiting, “Rosa.”

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Rosa’s in her best Tangled/Rapunzel dress.

Catherine is En Route to England — or, at least to the coast, with her mama! Catherine has been sick, which has delayed her travel.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

They run into some “Moriscos” (Muslims who converted to Christianity), and there’s a battle in which Queen Isabella suits up in male armor and goes full sword swinging/covered in blood. Uh, there’s a difference between a queen leading her troops into battle, as Queen Isabella did, and actually slicing people up, as is preposterous.

Catherine volunteers to help fight, grabbing the dagger at her waist — um, Catherine accompanied her parents to many different battlefields throughout her childhood, I think the issue of her wanting to actually get in the fray (answer: no) would have been addressed before now. Isabella tells Catherine that she has to fight by becoming queen of England and, along with her sister who is marrying a Hapsburg, create a Catholic block around Spain. Catherine spends the battle praying, and her prayers is something like “wife of Prince Arthur, Queen of England,” chanted over and over again. I don’t think that’s a standard Catholic prayer, but correct me if I’m wrong.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

These Spanish Bitches Are Ready to Rumble.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

The English royals are happy-ish because Catherine is on a ship headed for England! Elizabeth of York is pregnant.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

I’m fine with this.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Prince Arthur, aka Mr. September in the 1501 Hotties in Bowl Cuts calendar!

The ship hits a storm and the ladies do a lot of puking. Lina asks Catherine if she is “okay.”

See my post about Frontier for my thoughts on the use of “okay.”

Lina meets Spanish/Moorish soldier Oviedo, because god forbid a cross-ethnic romance happen.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

THE CUT OF THIS DOUBLET. Where, I ask you, is his cleavage?

Lady Edith “Maggie” (retch, Margaret) Pole (Laura Carmichael) is conflicted about Catherine of Aragon coming! She can’t stand the idea of it! But she loves, in an aunt-y way, Prince Arthur!

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Mags in a late 18th-century-appropriate print.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Deeply tragic headwear is worn by both parties.

The fabulous Harriet Walter plays Margaret Beaufort, the king’s mother. She’s busy prepping for Catherine’s formal arrival.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Margaret Beaufort is the only person to wear an actually period-appropriate hood; this one is modernly called a gable hood.

But Catherine’s ship is blown off course, and they land somewhere random.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

There’s so much going on here it’s hard to focus on just one element, but I think the weird halter/neck strap thing annoys me the most.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Rosa is all hair; Lina is all head necklace.

Edward Stafford, bro-Duke of Buckingham, escorts Catherine & co. to wherever they’re headed. Rosa makes slutty eyes at him, despite knowing he’s married. The ladies get bedraggled in the rain.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Rosa’s “hood” is a weird padded thingie plonked on top of her head.

Henry and Elizabeth are stoked that Catherine has landed! We get a quick glimpse of daughters Margaret (future queen of Scotland) and Mary (future queen of France/duchess of Suffolk).

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Wait, someone is wearing actual late 15th century/early 16th century fashion! Go Margaret!

Lady Edith “Maggie” Pole and Margaret Beaufort receive Catherine at Mags’s home. Requisite dialogue ensues about how Catherine bathes every day, and Margaret Beaufort is dismissive (“once a week is plenty!”), because it’s always important to remind us how superior we are to historical people.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Margaret Beaufort rocks a kicky shrug instead of a partlet.

Catherine is stoked to meet Arthur, as the two have been corresponding. She thinks she’s in love.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

THIS CORSET WTF IS GOING ON IT’S GOT DECORATIVE LATTICE WOVEN STRAPPY BITS CORSETS DIDN’T EXIST YET BUT IF THEY DID THEY CERTAINLY DIDN’T LOOK LIKE THIS

Lina is peeved to hear the Spanish soldiers are being billeted in the stables, and steps in to stop this. Oviedo is grateful.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

I’m just not buying the very-African-influenced hairstyling. I mean, I’m glad it’s up! But I just think she’d be forcing her hair into European styles (and, of course, covering it completely with a hood, but I don’t want to ask for miracles).

King Henry shows up, beating down the door to meet Catherine; Catherine and her ladies are scandalized.

Spanish Princess 2019 episode 1

Henry is apparently king of unnecessary lacing.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

THE BACK OF ROSA’S DRESS IS SPLIT AND LOOKS RIDICULOUS

Catherine meets Arthur, and then gets snotty about being forced to walk around in the rain. She mentions the letters he’s written her, and Arthur is totally miffed because he never wrote these letters. WHICH IS PREPOSTEROUS. All royal courting couples would have written official correspondence, there’s no way he would have gotten out of it.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Straight from a romance novel cover.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Arthur: “I actually look decently period appropriate!”
Catherine: “Yeah well I turned a couch into a princess dress so”

Catherine is upset to learn Arthur didn’t write her the letters. She thought she was In Love, which is, again, preposterous. Although a royal couple would have been encouraged to fall in love, love was NOT the purpose of their marriage and NOT what she has been trained for her entire life, which is representing Spain, ruling England, and providing her husband with heirs.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

There’s just a lot going on here.

Lady Edith’s Maggie (retch) Pole’s kids have been taken away until the wedding, but she gets to give them a quick hi.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Rocking the triceratops look! (Ok, but kids of period clothes = super cute)

Snark ensues between Elizabeth of York and Margaret Beaufort.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Margaret’s Thai princess look…

The White Princess (2017)

…seems to be based on one of the costumes worn by Michelle Fairley as the same character in The White Princess. I guess Margaret Beautfort really liked the Thai Christmas look?

Lady Edith Mags continues to hate Catherine Because Of Something That Was Done For Her.

Poor Lady Edith always gets the short end of the stick, this time it’s in the hood dept.

Catherine is introduced to Prince Henry, who should be 10 years old, along with his bro-friend “Charlie” (Charles) Brandon. Henry, along with having a disease that makes him older by at least 7-10 years than he should be, is initially charming, then scary, then sexually harassing. Catherine is intrigued.

10 years old, people.

Arthur KNOWS that it’s HIS BROTHER HENRY WHO HAS BEEN WRITING TO CATHERINE. IN NO WAY COULD THIS EVER HAVE POSSIBLY HAPPENED NUH UH OMG STARZ IS EVEN MORE CRAZY THAN PHILIPPA FUCKING GREGORY’S SOURCE MATERIAL. Uh, Arthur is peeved about this.

Nice lace, although I have no idea how historically accurate it is. This is the same lace (so, I assume, same garment) Arthur wears at the wedding.

Margaret Beaufort fucked with Catherine’s herbs for her bath; Lina has to go find new ones. She’s accosted by an English soldier, but Oviedo fights him off. I do like that the POC character gets to be refined and elegant. Rosa has a slutty makeout session with Stafford.

I still want to know what Lina is mayor of (re: the giant chains).

Catherine, wearing whore levels of makeup, is introduced to her future mother-in-law Elizabeth — who is randomly super bitchy to her and tells her that Mags Pole doesn’t like her because her mentally disabled brother (who had a claim to the throne) was executed at Queen Isabella’s order.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

That’s quite a look for meeting your mother in law.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Oh good, hadn’t seen this dress enough!

Catherine has a sulky bath. She somehow KNOWS that Henry was the one who wrote to her, in the continuation of the world’s most ludicrous plot point.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Lina gets her out of the bath and into the church.

She has a flashback to meeting Christopher Columbus in a garden, as one does, when he told her some inspirational shit about staying on course or something.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

Catherine heads to the wedding, where Prince Henry is to give her away, as actually happened in reality. He continues to be sexually harassy. She chants her “wife of Prince Arthur, queen of England” mantra as she heads down the aisle.

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

We’ve discussed Catherine’s dress at length; now I just want to focus on Rosa’s Princess Leia buns. WHY??

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

And finally, the most historically accurate moment blips by in 0.2 seconds:

The Spanish Princess 2019 ep1

 

The Spanish Princess, episode one! What did you think?

91 Responses

  1. MoHub

    My understanding is that Catherine of Aragon introduced lacemaking (and saffron, too) to England after she married Henry, so lace on an English costume at this point is probably wrong.

    Reply
    • Kathleen Julie Norvell

      At the time the action takes place, lace was very much a luxury item that would have been worn in small quantities, like at the cuffs and neckline. The lace on Arthur’s garment is way wrong!

      Reply
  2. Elizabeth K. Mahon

    Starz was having a special (1 week free trial and then $5 a month for 3 months) so I downloaded this episode last night along with episode 1 of the White Princess. I’m not sure what made me rage more, Elizabeth & Henry VII having hate sex before marriage that lasted 0.5 seconds, or hot, creepy Prince Henry playing writing love letters to Catherine of Aragon as Prince Arthur as some kind of joke. Also, is Laura Carmichael contractually obligated to play all her characters as the world’s biggest drips?

    Reply
  3. Heidilea

    I can’t do the crying laughing emoji about that last screenshot soooo….

    My mom came to visit and told me how excited she was to start watching this show. >_<

    Reply
  4. Gill

    At age 10 Henry was destined for the Church. Hence, theoretically celibate.

    It is impossible to list the costume tragedies here. Thank you for watching this so I can follow my instinct: Run Away! RUN AWAY!!!

    Reply
    • Trystan L. Bass

      OMG, I’ve half-heartedly watched an episode of Les Mis & been SO UNDERWHELMED. Gonna make Kendra take on that one at some point, I don’t have it in me. cracks editor-in-chief whip

      Reply
  5. Christine C.

    Let’s talk about how Richard Pole’s (Lady Edith/Maggie/Margaret’s husband) hand grew back after it was lopped off in The White Princess. And the weird kiss between Queen Elizabeth and Katherine. And Henry VII’s awful purple cloak returning from TWP. I think I’m going to watch this show just to rag on it and for the fashion recaps.

    Reply
  6. Carrie

    “Frock Flicks is a family: if I have to suffer, you have to suffer with me.”

    D This made my day : D

    My professional life right now is a real spectacle de merde, and I hate the direction the final season of Game of Thrones is taking, so thank you for this recap which was like a joyful little ray of sunshine in my life!

    Reply
    • Poetryqn

      Amen, amen! I can’t tell you guys how much I appreciate a good snark right now. THANK YOU!!

      Reply
  7. Nzie

    thank you for your service, lol. :-)

    what the heck is going on here?? Also, can confirm that just chanting a title over and over isn’t a traditional prayer. I mean, repetition fine, but I would expect something like… a request? Lord help me to be a good wife of Prince Arthur and Queen of England, or something like that—I mean, it’s one of the purposes of prayer, asking for help. Just telling God your job title is a little silly.

    Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have the expensive channels. This is one of those times.

    Reply
    • A

      Also, it doesn’t really make much sense. Becoming the wife of Prince Arthur is not synonymous with becoming the Queen of England. It only means she may become the Queen of England at some point in the future, provided both her and her husband live long enough. It would make more sense for her to ask the Lord (and Mary, and several assorted saints for good measure) to help her to be a good wife to prince Arthur and to safely bear him children, and to be a good princess to her subjects – princesses also had their duties, you know. All accompanied by the Lord’s Prayer, the Rosary, and probably several litanies.

      Reply
  8. Lynne Connolly

    So many questions!
    How many duvet covers and curtains were sacrificed to make this thing?
    Why are the women wearing bras on their heads?
    Why are there aristos wearing blue? Wasn’t that a servants-only colour? (Find me an actual portrait of a Tudor aristocrat wearing blue cloth. Italian, sure, but English?)
    Why are they lifting their skirts to walk? Their mothers should have tied their hands together to stop them doing it.
    Is this the era of the Great Hairpin Shortage?
    Where are all the biggins?

    What a load of bollocks that looks. I don’t think I’ll be adding to the viewing numbers, but I’ll try and suffer the costumes along with you.
    What. she secretly loved Henry all along? He was very handsome, but he was also an insufferable prig. And ten years old, though I daresay there’ll be some ravishing along the way.

    Reply
    • Frannie Germeshausen

      Personally, I thought Rosa was wearing a sleep mask on her head, but now that you mention it, it does look more like a padded bra.

      Reply
  9. Gayle J

    As a child I thought the word was bed raggled which now I realize is probably more accurate anyway.

    Reply
  10. ConsiderTheBees (@Wildfyrewarning)

    I’m starting to think that the costume designer is under the impression that Spain is not a real place. Almost none of the outfits the Spanish wear have any bearing whatsoever on the actual fashions of the time, minus the farthingale. Everything they wear looks like it was made for background characters in Game of Thrones, instead of for characters of a time and place that is pretty well-documented.

    Reply
  11. LisaS

    Looks like Point de Venise lace which is a 17th century thing. To sculptural to be a form of Reticella or other cutwork lace forms (some of which are this period) to my only vaguely trained eye.

    Reply
    • Kathleen Julie Norvell

      It looked a lot like Venise lace to me too. Definitely not period.

      Reply
      • LisaS

        THE Kathleen Norvell? If so, small world. Your former camp cook at St Mary’s City muster.

        Reply
  12. Damnitz

    This episode reminds me more of carnival.
    I assume that next are coming some American Indians, Chinese and what ever to make the whole scenery even more colourfull, not to forget the always drinking stupid german knights.
    The chains on poor Lina are looking very rough, more like a work by amateurs.
    To include different characters from different parts of the world and society are a good idea, but not if it just results in an assembly of cliches.
    No surprise: I have to see it to believe it. ;-)

    Reply
  13. Trystan L. Bass

    Entirely random point of order, “The Cutty-Uppy Guy” is originally my name for Ramsey Bolton ;)

    I was laughing too hard while editing this post to figure out how to insert that as an editor’s note.

    Reply
  14. Sam Marchiony

    I don’t care if there are no spoilers in history and thus we know Arthur is going to die and Catherine’s going to marry Henry, was it REALLY necessary to make Arthur into milquetoast to get that point across?
    And what was that shoe thing right before the wedding?

    Reply
    • Kendra

      AND in PFG’s book, Arthur is fabulous and he and Catherine fall IN LOVE; Catherine marries Henry b/c Arthur makes her promise that she will, not b/c he’s hunky.

      I didn’t mention the shoe removal, you’re right – I foolishly assumed it had some historical reason to be there, but that is probably not a good assumption to make!

      Reply
      • Sam Marchiony

        So, not only do they fail history, they fail to fail history by failing the way the source material failed history.
        There are not enough o’s in the universe to fill the Wooooooooooooow I want to exhale right now.

        Reply
      • pandorrah

        I don’t know the historical accuracy of it (because it’s based on a PFG novel) but, in The White Princess, Margaret Plantgenet walked barefoot down the aisle of her wedding to Pole, too. I dunno if “Barefoot Brides” were really a thing.

        Reply
          • pandorrah

            I wanna say Elizabeth Woodville also walked barefoot to her Coronation in The White Queen.

            Maybe “Barefoot Wimminz in Church” is an inside joke with the folks over at STARZ! ?

            Reply
  15. Charity

    I was all set to hate this and — I actually didn’t hate it. I found it pretty to look at, despite the WTF costumes. (I actually really love that inaccurate blue dress. I know. Shoot me.) I know the plot is going to go downhill next week and the hate might set in, but I enjoyed seeing Isabella be badass (she’s not blonde tho) and the flashback with Columbus. Harriet Walter is hilarious in this. She looks at Catherine with brow-raising REALLY? faces that crack me up. The weirdest crap by far was aging Henry VIII up 7 years into a Hot Stalker Guy, Henry VII’s beard (WHY?), and Elizabeth… I guess, sexually dominating Catherine with that forcd kiss? That was just creepy and gross and weird and I wanna know what the hell the writers meant by it.

    Regarding the cross-cultural romances… well, the real Catalina did marry Orviedo, another Moor from Catherine’s entourage, so they’re being “accurate” with their romance.

    Reply
    • Sam Marchiony

      Yeah, anti-miscegenation was probably de rigeur in reality, so it’s not unexpected, but at the same time, if you’re going to bother to play fast and loose with every other part of history AND claim to be “feminist,” you could be a little braver.

      Reply
      • Charity

        Minus Katharine’s rudeness and Prince Harry being seven years older, a lot was “accurate” in the first episode (regarding Katharine’s arrival, being blown off course, a Moor uprising delaying her departure from Spain, Henry bursting into her room and demanding to see her unveiled), which surprised me. I expect subsequent ones to go downhill, especially when they haul out the “Katharine is lying about consummating her marriage” thing. :P

        Reply
        • Roxana

          The Moor uprising did not include a personal attack on Isabella and Catherine as they travelled to the coast. And as I recall Henry VII didn’t actually break into Catherine’s room but simply insisted on seeing her and without a veil. When told this was against Spanish custom he pointed this was England. Both he and Arthur were very pleased with what they saw.

          Reply
          • Charity

            I remember Henry insisting on entering Katharine’s room and them waking her up from her ‘siesta’ and then asking to see beneath her veil. She removed it, to much joy from the English. ;)

            Reply
            • Roxana

              I won’t say you are wrong. The thing I remember clearly is Henry insisting on the veil being removed. Everything else is kind of vague.

              Reply
    • Roxana

      Apparently Lina is a conflation of a high ranking and non Moorish lady in waiting and a slave woman also named Catalina who may indeed have been a sub-Saharan African as Thomas More calls Catherine’s slaves Ethiopians instead of Moors.
      Catalina the slave was a very intimate servant, her official job description was bedmaker but it is implied she did other things for Catherine as well, very private and personal things. The possibilities of such a character are obvious. Pity they didn’ti go with them.
      Eventually Catalina,now a free woman, returned to Spain, married and settled in her home town where she was hunted out and deposed by Henry’s agents. Since there is no record of her testimony she probably didn’t say what Henry wanted to hear.

      Reply
        • Roxana

          Thank Google. It is interesting isn’t it? Catalina’s relationship with Catherine could make a fascinating story. They were apparently much of an age and the intimacy of Catalina’s services would make her a natural confidant for Catherine.Things she was embarrassed to discuss with her Duenna or her Confessor she could talk about to Catalina.

          Reply
    • Roxana

      May I say that Oviedo is totally gorgeous. Probably the best looking man in the show.

      Reply
  16. Susan Pola Staples

    Bless you, my child. By watching the episodes of this shitty show, all your sins are forgiven in perpetuity.

    But my question is why did she pair the blue sofa with her farthingale and not a proper underskirt?

    Why doesn’t Starz or some other channel air the Spanish Isabella of Castile series? It’s so much better.

    And where is Theon Greyjoy when you need him to dispose of slutty attendants that no princess would ever have. And where’s Maria de Salinas?

    And what is Saruman’s niece (Harriet Walters is the niece of Chris Lee) doing in this? Did she loose a bet with Olivia Coleman?

    Reply
    • Trystan L. Bass

      I thought the Spanish Isabella of Castile was briefly on Netflix? I could be hallucinating tho (not that I watched it but I feel like I added it to my list & it was taken away maybe?).

      Reply
  17. Roxana

    What is so difficult about early 16th c. dress? We have paintings, we have statues, we know what these people thought was good taste!
    What is with the flat skirts, varied by windmill hoops? What is with the cra-cray headgear?? And why, why are they wearing all these prints????
    Isabella the Catholic never fought a battle in her life though she was often just behind the lines and busy with the wounded and supplies. I don’t say she never wore armour, she may have on parade or for greater security when she got too close to the front. But she never swung a sword, or scimitar, and she and Catherine certainly weren’t attacked by converted Moors or anybody else on their way to the ship.
    Arthur and Catherine exchanged formal and rather stiff letters whose real purpose was to display the learning and manners of the writer to the parents of the recipient.
    The names of Catherine’s Spanish attendants are known and several of them were interesting people but no, we get phony ladies in waiting with phony stories.
    The Spanish marriage was important to Henry and Elizabeth as it was a powerful alliance and a recognition of their dynasty. The last thing Elizabeth would do is be rude to her daughter in law. In fact she was very kind and welcoming. It’s true that Warwick’s execution was related to Catherine’s coming, her new throne had to be completely secure. There is no indication that Margaret Pole resented Catherine for it. In fact the two women became fast friends. Margaret understood dynastic politics all too well to place blame on an innocent bystander.
    Catherine undoubtedly came to England determined to be a good wife and a good Queen. She hoped to grow to love Arthur who was young and reasonably attractive making it easy for her to develop feelings for him. But love was definitely something that happened after marriage. It had happened to her parents and she probably expected it to happen for her too.

    Reply
    • Katie Carroll

      I totally agree. These costumes are an absolute disaster. They bear as much resemblance to early 16th century garments as blue jeans and T-shirts. The things on the ladies’ heads are an utter mess and the whole diversity theme making a major character Out of an African servant and her boyfriend is so jarringly disconcerting it reminds me of the mess of Mary Queen of Scots. Everything is wrong with this series.

      Reply
  18. Terézia Marková

    The correspondence between two people who are about to enter an arranged marriage is a splendid idea for character interactions, besides a thing that actually happened. Pity they botched it with soapy “Henry and Catherine are meant for each other” bullshit.

    Reply
    • Roxana

      I agree. Add in the fact that the letters aren’t private and you have two young people trying to learn a little about each other under formidable handicaps. Imagine the scenes of painful composition and the even more painful analysis at the other end as the recipient tries to read between the lines.

      Reply
  19. hadabuck (@hadabuck)

    So much wrong. So much. Isabella of Castille – a pale-complexioned reddish BLONDE. As one of the most powerful monarchs of the time, her appearance was documented extensively. No excuse. Oh, Isabella went out and fought with a sword- “Ur ur ur women are fierce, ur ur ur.”. Catherine – NOT A skinny virulent redhead. Strawberry blonde, and plump. Henry Tudor- as you have said, was a 10 -year old CHILD. The costumes are hideous, the “history” is so, horribly, badly wrong, and they didn’t even follow the story in the damn book upon which this excrable excuse for a program is based. And all the Maggies and Charlies. Ugh. UGH UGH UGH! It is the Reignification of history and I, for one, am not here for it! And the worst thing of all – many people will watch this piece of garbage and believe it for the truth. I can’t even laugh about it, I’m so angry.

    Reply
  20. Emma Bull

    Gawd, I love you sooooo much. The only thing I was left wondering about was Lady Edith–er, Margaret Pole’s lack of petticoats/hoop/anything to keep that skirt from hanging like sad living room curtains from her bum roll.

    Reply
  21. Terri

    I’m certain that I read that Catherine & Arthur wrote to each other in Latin because she didn’t speak English & he didn’t speak Spanish. So why did she interrupt Lady Margaret Beaufort to brag that she could speak English. Right before she childishly demanded a bath & a siesta. A properly raised princess of Spain would not be so RUDE!

    Reply
    • Kendra

      Yeah, I think they were trying to show Catherine as being regal and having high standards, but she just sounded spoiled.

      Reply
  22. Lillian

    How the fuck did is Henry supposed to have sent her letters in the first place without either of their parents noticing?

    Reply
  23. Lillian

    I am impressed that they at least admitted they were making stuff up.

    Reply
  24. Caradoc

    In Spain, Muslims who converted to Catholicism were called “Moriscos” rather than “Conversos”. “Converso” could be appropriate, but it’s more used with the Jews who converted to Catholicism. When talking about converted Muslims, Spanish Historiography prefers the term “Moriscos”, I think

    Reply
    • Roxana

      That was my first thought too. I am descended from Jewish conversos and I’ve never heard the name applied to former Muslims before.

      Reply
    • MoHub

      Thank you! Not only were conversos Jews, but many of them continued to practice Judaism in secret.

      Reply
      • Roxana

        Mr ancestors did. Eventually they fled to the Netherlands where they could practice their religion freely.

        Reply
  25. Julie

    Glad I’m not the only one having issues because of Myranda in “Game of Thrones”.

    Reply
  26. Roxana

    About baths. They were extremely labor intense due the the amount of work involved in heating enough water to fill one of those hot tub sized wooden baths, but they were a luxury highly valued by the wealthy and especially kings and great nobles. Catherine’s desire for a bath wouldn’t have surprised Margaret Pole at all. In all likelihood Catherine would find one all prepared for her.

    Reply
    • A

      One of my pet peeves.
      People used to bathe a lot less often than we do not because they just loooved being dirty. They didn’t have freaking plumbing. Water for a bath had to be drawn from a well (several times over), carried over to the house, heated in the kitchen, carried over to the bath, poured in, and after the proceedings were completed, carried out again. It was a time and resource consuming process (which was also the reason why several people bathed in the same tub – just imagine how long it would take to make up several fresh baths).
      Even if the work was being done by servants, it still took up time and resources. Servant busy with running back and forth to fetch enough water isn’t doing anything else that needs to be done, and place and fuel are used for heating water instead of cooking (fuel wasn’t free).
      Of course, at a royal court there were plenty of hands available (although Henry VII was notoriously plagued by cash problems, if I remember correctly). But with these logistics involved, one bath a week seems quite reasonable to me. Bath is not the only method of keeping clean.

      Reply
      • Roxana

        There were ewers and washbasins and clean linen was worn to protect heavy, unwashable outer garments.

        Reply
          • Roxana

            Immersion bathing also tends to less popular in climates where getting naked and wet all over is an invitation to pneumonia.

            Reply
            • A

              And heating was rather inefficient back then (also expensive). Plus medicine was not exactly what it is now. People were so afraid of catchig a chill because a minor cold could develop into something deadly.

              Reply
    • Rori

      Does Catherine bath frequently or sometimes? If I recalled, her mother Isabel only bath twice in her entire time.

      Reply
      • Roxana

        If it’s true about Isabella it would have been motivated by religious asceticism. Bathing was a pleasure. Henry VIII had baths with running water installed in his palaces. It’s reasonable to assume Catherine made use of the facilities.

        Reply
      • Patrick Keogh

        I think it was probably in reality more than twice, despite her claim, but Isabella was famous for abstaining from bathing for the most part.

        Reply
  27. Destinee Amber

    So…apparently, if you have Starz On Demand or the Starz app, you can watch the episodes early. I can’t wait to see what y’all have to say about episode 2, which I am currently watching and facepalming to! It’s…slightly more accurate to its original source material (PFG), but just barely. And the historical inaccuracy/unproven claims…Oh it makes my head hurt.

    Reply
    • Katie

      I’m watching it now and the costumes are even worse. The fabric looks like it came from Joann’s

      Reply
  28. M.E. Lawrence

    WOW. This looks so, so bad I almost want to watch an episode so I can fall off the bed laughing. I mean, it sounds worse than “The Tudors,” which has been my television-historical-romance-badness benchmark for several years. Arthur’s hair! (Even less becoming than the portraits, and that’s not easy.) Henry’s age! The waste of Harriet Walters, plus the Thai thing on her head. Real people and real relationships mucked around with in hopes of making those weird olden times more “relatable” and “relevant.”

    (My favorite history discussion board had a thread titled “Philippa Gregory–should she be shot?” until someone made them change it. Damn.)

    Reply
    • Roxana

      I say again; What’s with all the prints!!!!! Damask, brocade and embroidery were big in the 16th c. Prints not so much as far as I can recall.

      Reply
  29. Patrick Keogh

    They look like they have a low budget and are trying too hard to create colour and variety. Hence why some of the costumes have weird design shapes and gaudy colour splashing.

    Reply
  30. Patrick Keogh

    I HATE HATE HATE the childish use of “let’s stick the aggressive queen in straight up armour and sword to represent the fact that she’s F I E R C E” in so many things. I doubt many queens actually fought, and when MQoS and Elizabeth I did the armour, it was stylised addition to their gowns and not intended to mimic men’s armour. Women weren’t allowed to fight.
    Also the Henry VII actor looks absolutely nothing like Henry VII. He was dark brown hair, only middle-aged a this time, he died in his fifties, he had longer hair, no beard, sharper features with cheekbones for days. Who even is this character? None of his distinctive personality traits, e.g. obsessed with finance, S P I E S, seem well captured. Do they even know who Henry VII is, or is he just a generic king? Also why are all the shitty historical shows obsessed with crowns to make sure you know who the king/queen is? They mostly just wore fancy hats, and the main royal symbology was with livery like tudor roses or garter collars or something.

    Reply

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