SNARK WEEK RECAP: North & South Book II, Episode 3

14

Support Frock Flicks with a small donation! During Snark Week and beyond, we’re grateful for your monthly pledges for exclusive content via Patreon or your one-time contributions via PayPal to offset the costs of running this site. You can even buy our T-shirts and swag. Think of this like supporting public broadcasting, but with swearing and no tax deductions!

 

Starting with our second Snark Week, I’ve picked a shitty frock flick to recap, because I love sharing the blow-by-blows with you. This year, I asked you to choose what film/series I should recap, and the clear winner was North & South: Book II (1986), the sequel to the be-mulletted and peach-acetate-satin-ified Civil War epic North & South (1985).

In series one, which I recapped a few Snark Weeks ago, we established many of our key characters as the story wended its way to the outbreak of the Civil War. This time, war has broken out! And in case you care, note that I refuse to recap any of the war/battle shit. Read my recaps of episode one and episode two, and now join me:

Northern Mom is hanging out with son Number One and his wife Plastic Cameo. Plastic Cameo wants to have a ball since the family ironworks is making so much money; Northern Mom thinks that’s in bad taste. After mom leaves, Number One stresses about having sold shoddy cannons to the Union army. Plastic Cameo gleefully confesses that she forged older brother George’s name on all the contracts, so he’ll be the one to get into any potential trouble. The two make out and it’s not pretty.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Northern Mom’s Zouave jacket is cute, but could lose the white lace.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Plastic Cameo is going very Anne of Green Gables here.

Battles happen; Lincoln enacts the Emancipation Proclamation. Enslaved people begin leaving, including at the Southern plantation. The fired overseer from season 1 turns up, having killed one of the enslaved men for “running away.” The Southern clan is appalled and turns him out. Evil Overseer basically says “I’ll be back.”

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

It’s not awful, but I don’t like the white fill-in and I question that neckline for daytime. Also, the hair! I’m starting to take big ’80s hair for granted here.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Northern Mom’s dress and veil look almost 16th century!

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Photo by Walt Disney Television via Getty Images Photo Archives/Walt Disney Television via Getty Images

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Tits Out is keeping it casual in light pink cotton.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Gingham! Tits!

Tits Out and Southern Blonde head out to visit the enslaved man’s family, including Semiramis, who are mourning. Southern Blonde says that they hope all the African Americans will stay, because they need them, but if they want to go they will give them papers, which will hopefully avoid another tragedy.

Forrest Whitaker wants Semiramis to take off with him; she refuses. She’s not into Whitaker, but also she has trauma from being raped in season 1 by Evil Overseer, AND apparently she has a thing for derpy Cousin Charles, which, have more taste, Semi. Whitaker sneaks into Southern Mom’s room while she’s sleeping, taking her jewelry, and disappears.  1986 North & South Book II ep 3

More war shit happens. Swayze misses Tits.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Enslaved people are leaving, and Southern Mom is totes cool about it.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Repeat of the red dress from the last ep on Southern Mom; blouse and skirt on Southern Blonde; Tits Out doesn’t have her tits out, but that bodice is painted on.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

I definitely had that hairstyle at some point in the 1980s.

Swayze has a sad! He’s very shocked that the formerly enslaved people would leave, telling one of them, “This is your home.” The formerly enslaved man retorts, “This was never our home.” BURN. Swayze complains to Tits that he didn’t realize the war would go on so long, or that their world would change so much. Tits Out is pregnant.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Swayze’s mullet has gotten SO EXTRA FLUFFY.

Swayze goes back to the war. Southern Blonde and Tits Out are working the fields with Semiramis and the formerly enslaved people who are left. Everyone is very concerned about Tits working In Her Condition.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Work clothes.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

OK THAT IS TOTALLY A ZIPPER.

Southern Mom is pissed because Southern Blonde and Tits Out are trying to shield her from the realities of war.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Slutty Brunette shows up unannounced! She’s dressed to the nines and bringing all kinds of loot. Southern Blonde pointedly goes back to work in the fields.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

That’s a lot of dress. HATE those lace sleeves.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Slutty Brunette likes to keep it simple!

At dinner, Slutty Brunette tries to talk Southern Mom into moving to Richmond with her. Southern Mom refuses, saying this is her home.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Slutty Brunette’s hair is SO FRICKIN’ BIG!

Semiramis is now dining with the family.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

After dinner, Slutty Brunette tries to finagle information about Tits Out out of Semiramis.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

I don’t hate the dress!

After dinner, Tits Out has heard Slutty Brunette is asking probing questions about her. Slutty Brunette says it’s all over Richmond that not only was Tits Out’s mom of mixed ancestry, she was a whooooooore — that last bit was news to Tits. SB tells Tits the only option is for her to leave Swayze so the family can avoid scandal.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Slutty Brunette is in an overly elaborate dressing gown, with giant 1980s/Gibson Girl hair.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Tits is in a dress that seems very teenager-y, minus the cleavage.

Tits leaves a note for Swayze, telling him she must leave him but she always loved him.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

A weird, overly fitted Zouave jacket and a hat that doesn’t suit.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Photo by Walt Disney Television via Getty Images Photo Archives/Walt Disney Television via Getty Images

Tits has disappeared. Slutty Brunette is triumphant. Semiramis tells SB she’s evil, essentially, refusing to leave when ordered.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

I’m REALLY not sure about that aqua-colored pirate wench blouse.

Later, Eric? — a formerly enslaved man, who has a big crush on Semiramis and also tried to get her to take off with him — and Semiramis make a sluice that will water the fields. Billy — Northern husband to Southern Blonde — turns up to see his wife. There have been battles, which I refuse to recap or screencap. At one point Billy and derpy Cousin Charles faced off, gun to gun, only to be “saved” by a cannon. Billy is attacked by a deserter but fights him off.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Semiramis warns Billy that Slutty Brunette is here and will probably turn him in (he’s in disguise as a Confederate soldier). She hides him, them goes to get Southern Blonde.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Slutty Brunette is in another fugly lace blouse.

Southern Blonde and Billy are ecstatic to see each other. They spend the night in the barn, have passionate embraces, and thoughtful conversations.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

ZIPPER PLACKET.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

I’m so/so on the print.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Photo by Walt Disney Television via Getty Images Photo Archives/Walt Disney Television via Getty Images

Slutty Brunette is out riding, and spots Billy and Southern Blonde. She comes up to give them shit, and Southern Blonde threatens her with a pitchfork while Billy escapes.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Slutty Brunette’s costume is now owned by collector James Kelly, who owns many of the costumes from this film (and is a Frock Flicks reader! Hello James!). He informed us on Facebook that most of the movie gowns are silk, and what appear to be zipper plackets are actually hook & eye tape. I shall tease nonetheless.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Check this ensemble out on James’s Pinterest, where you can see many others from the series.

Slutty Brunette is headed back to Richmond. She and sister Southern Blonde basically say they hope to never see each other again.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

I guess this is SB’s traveling outfit.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Keeping it simple for “bye Felicia.”

Virgilia is working in the field as a nurse. OLIVIA DE HAVILLAND shows up as a hospital administrator, telling Viriglia that she’s one of the best nurses because she puts the patients first, but that she needs to be more respectful to the doctors — and insinuates that Virgilia doesn’t take care of the Southern wounded. Virgilia is arrogant.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Loving that extra practical nursing hairdo on Virgilia!

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Photo by Walt Disney Television via Getty Images Photo Archives/Walt Disney Television via Getty Images

Tits Out is in Richmond. She meets with her lawyer, JAMES STEWART, telling him no one must know where she is. He tells her she has enough money from her father to live on. She says eventually Swayze will divorce her for desertion, but make him promise until that time to never reveal her whereabouts.

1986 North & South Book II ep 3

Tits may be in full widow’s weeds, but she’s keeping the cleavage! Photo by Walt Disney Television via Getty Images Photo Archives/Walt Disney Television via Getty Images

 

Onwards!

 

 

Don't miss exclusive Patreon content - Support FrockFlicks.com

Tags

About the author

Kendra

Website

Kendra has been a fixture in the online costuming world since the late 1990s. Her website, Démodé Couture, is one of the most well-known online resources for historical costumers. In the summer of 2014, she published a book on 18th-century wig and hair styling. Kendra is a librarian at a university, specializing in history and fashion. She’s also an academic, with several articles on fashion history published in research journals.

14 Responses

  1. Ewa

    Tits must be out! Tits must be out! Inside my heart is breaking, my makeup might be flaking but my tits still stay out! <- Theme Song for Tits Out.

    Reply
    • Susan Pola Staples

      Semi and Southern Blonde seem to have the brains in the Southern Clan with Southern Mom a close second. Southern Brunette will have a bad ending, Hopefully it will disfigure her face. And Tits Out is not very smart. She believes Southern Brunette.

      Plastic Cameo isn’t as smart as she believes. Everyone knows George is HONOUR and HONESTY personified.

      Reply
    • A

      Yup, had the same thought. No one cropped photos that way back then. No one posed like that back then.

      Reply
  2. Roxana

    How the H— did they get Jimmy Stewart in this turkey?? I still say those colors feel wrong, but I don’t know why.

    Reply
  3. Gosia

    My mom, who watched “North and South” in the eighties and has only a vague idea of historical fashion, was so annoyed by Lesley Ann Down’s cleavage in Madeleine’s widow’s dress. This was just WTF. I wonder, why the costume designers were so stubborn about Lesley Ann Down having her boobs out. This wasn’t sexy, this was ridiculous.

    Reply
  4. Saraquill

    Most of those outfits are silk? What perverse mind designed them to look like bad synthetics?

    Reply
  5. JLou

    The white fill-in on Southern Blonde’s dress looks like a godet or a gusset or a gore or whatever-g-word designed to widen the dress.

    Reply
  6. MJ

    Olivia De Haviland and Jimmy Stewart???

    I never saw this and now almost need to for that alone.

    Almost, but….

    Reply
  7. Amanda

    The screencap of Olivia de Havilland is basically the face I’m making as I scroll through these recaps. It’s all just so perplexing! Why so many silks that look like $2 polyester? Why so many alleged hook and eye closures that look like zippers? And I’m starting to be unfazed by the 80s HUGE HAIR, which is frightening…

    Reply
  8. Nzie

    Those sleeves on the traveling dress… bizarre and not in any way flattering. I like her red with black little jacket quite a bit though. I wonder if this series was part of why I have liked that style for a significant portion of my life.

    Also the handling of slavery/emancipation is such a mess. They’re such nice people they give the newly-emancipated money and ask them to stay! They just also were happy to own other human beings and force them to do work for decades. facepalm And that is skipping over the great unlikelihood that people who owned other human beings would passively accept emancipation while it’s not even clear that their area is under Union territorial control (seems like it must not be for a Union soldier to have to disguise himself as a Confederate to visit his wife).

    Reply

Feel the love

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.