SNARK WEEK: Man Ick Monday: Leonardo DiCaprio

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I dunno guys. Some people apparently find this guy attractive, but here at Frock Flicks, Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t leave us panting for more. He leaves us scratching our heads and wondering why on Earth he’s considered a heartthrob.

Unlike our previous Man Ick Monday from 2016, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, who with rare exceptions makes us wonder if he needs to be checked into a detox center, Leo is just kind of meh. He’s not a bad actor, but he was cast in all these historical roles that just seemed wrong for him. So, let’s revisit a few of his more bewildering appearances in historical film.

 

The Quick and the Dead (1995) – Billy the Kid

Guys, he’s literally 21-years-old here, but looks like he’s 12.

 

Total Eclipse (1995) – Arthur Rimbaud

Again, looks like he’s just graduated 6th grade, making this movie a whole lot creepier.

 

Titanic (1997) – Jack Dawson

I never understood the appeal of this movie, this character, or this actor. And I was in the target demographic for it when it came out!

 

The Man in the Iron Mask (1998) – Louis XIV/Phillipe

I’m recycling this one because it’s too fucking good.

 

Gangs of New York (2002) – Amsterdam Vallon

Confession time: I actually liked this movie, and it’s one of the few Leo films where I thought he was pretty good (mostly because Daniel Day-Lewis was infinitely more annoying), but still.

Really? This is considered hot?

 

Catch Me If You Can (2002) – Frank Abignale, Jr.

I can kind of get into this look, I’ll give him that.

 

The Aviator (2004) – Howard Hughes

We’re getting into the era where Leo is starting to break out of the heartthrob mold and doing some SERIOUS ACTING SHIT.

That baby face just kills it for me, every time.

 

J. Edgar (2011) – J. Edgar Hoover

He goes from looking perpetually 12 to looking like, well, J. Edgar Hoover. I’m not sure this is an improvement.

 

Django Unchained (2012) – Calvin Candie

He is pretty damn evil in this film, but suddenly, I’m way more attracted to him.

That cravat, on the other hand, is not up to my standards.

 

The Great Gatsby (2013) – Jay Gatsby

The shittier the characters, the more I like him as an actor.

And last but not least, the movie that FINALLY earned him the Oscar for Best Actor because he had to murder a fucking bear before anyone took him seriously…

 

The Revenant (2015) – Hugh Glass

Bear skin. So hot right now.

 

Where does Leo rate on your ick meter?

 

 

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About the author

Sarah Lorraine

Website

Sarah discovered her dual passion for history and costume right around the age of twelve. Dragged kicking and screaming to her first Renaissance Faire at Black Point, she was convinced she was going to hate it, but to her surprise, she fell head over heels in love with the world of reenactment and dress up immediately. Her undergraduate degree is in Clothing & Textile Design, and she has a Master's in Art History and Visual Culture. When she’s not hauling crap to SCA events and ren faires, Sarah enjoys reading true crime books, writing fiction, and sewing historical clothing from the Middle Ages through the 20th-century. One of these days, she might even start updating her old costuming blog again.

66 Responses

  1. Susan

    Always WANT to love him but could never shake the feeling that Kate Winslet could stomp him intellectually and physically. And of course the oh so painful dialogue on the ship’s deck. I know, it’s just one role, but sometimes it sinks in and you’re stuck with it. Can’t really watch him without that UGH. Best in Unchained but always a lightweight to me.

    Reply
  2. Susan Pola Staples

    I actually liked Titanic the first six times I saw it. But I agree with Susan Kate Winslet’s Rose was smarter than him.

    The other two I liked were Aviator with Cate Blanchett as Hepburn and J Edgar Hoover.

    Reply
    • Charity

      He was good in The Aviator, but Cate was AWESOME. (I admit, I’m a Blanchett fangirl but when even my unimpressed parents go OMG, you know she freaking nailed it.)

      Reply
    • Sarah Lorraine

      LOL “the first six times”

      I finally saw it when it came back around for the second go in the theaters in the run up to the oscars in ’97. My friends dragged me kicking and screaming. It was ok, the costumes were fabulous, Kate Winslett was far better than that film deserved, but Leo… UGH NO THANKS. I couldn’t see why Rose would ditch Mr Rich Hotness for Jack.

      Reply
      • Abby

        Ummm, did you forget that Mr. Rich Hotness had no qualms with smacking Rose around when she pissed him off? I know Billy Zane is cuter, but let’s not make excuses for abusers (even if they are rich and fictional.)

        Reply
        • Sarah Lorraine

          Umm, yeah I did. Because it’s been 20-fucking-years since I was strapped to a chair and forced to watch the fucking film. Thanks for implying I support abuse because all I remembered was the guy was cuter than Leonardo DiCaprio.

          Reply
      • Holly

        I just watched an old episode of Murder She Wrote (I’m away from home and the cable here sucks) with Mr. Rich Hotness in it and I think he’s actually kind of funny looking if you look at him for too long.

        Reply
  3. Athene

    Titan-ICK! I was rooting for the iceberg. But beyond that, it never even registers with me when Leo is in a movie. His face just fades into whatever room he’s in.

    Reply
  4. Charity

    I love Titanic, but I admit it’s 99% costume adoration / aesthetic appeal / Thomas Andrews (history buff) and 1% Cal Hockley and his guyliner, storming around being all Evil And Stuff.

    I died of boredom watching Gangs of New York once.

    Actually, it was with a friend of mine. I’m not sure why we decided to watch it. Maybe we just got off “The Man in the Iron Mask” and went, “What other Leo flicks are in this library?” But… after about 36 tedious hours that crawled past like a slog on salt, while we sat there gazing at the television with nominal interest, when the DVD literally quit 14 minutes from the end, we looked at each other and said, “Thank God that’s over…”

    Heartthrob, he ain’t (for me anyway). Do I hate watching him, tho? No.

    Reply
  5. Liza Jane

    His head is too big for his body, and until very recently is was very blank. I think he MIGHT finally be growing into it, but why we had to suffer through 20 years of bad movies ..l.

    Reply
    • Cathryn Reynolds

      Never appealed to me, but I had classrooms full of 6th grade girls who would lose it by the mention of his name.

      Reply
  6. Karen A.

    Mehr Mehr Mehr. I stopped seeing his movies because I found him so unappealing that it was irritating that others supposedly thought he has sex appeal. I feel better now with this post and comments. Maybe I’ll see The Revenant. The coat looks warm.

    Reply
  7. misat0

    I only liked him when he looked his age: Gilbert Grape, Romeo + Juliet. I also nver understood the TitanICK hype and James Cameron was a much better director when he was married to Kathryn Bigelow.

    Reply
  8. Amanda

    Definitely the worst part of Titanic (I admit loving the costumes, sets, etc), which made me dislike him for yeeeeaaaars. I’ve come to appreciate him more as an actor the more I’ve watched of him…but as a heartthrob?? NOPE. Never understood that.

    Reply
    • Sarah Lorraine

      I think a large part of it was the fact that he was shoved down our throats so hard when Titanic came out that there was no escaping him for years after.

      I probably would have just thought he was an ok actor in a visually pretty movie and not gone on to develop this total revulsion towards him had the studios not hyped him so hard during the mid-90s

      Reply
  9. Jennifer VanHaaften

    That’s it. He’s too young looking STILL. And the facial hair is so sparse, it’s like he’s a young’un who can’t quite grow the beard. I kind of feel bad for him, but I’ve not missed anything by not seeing most of his movies.

    Reply
  10. Adina

    I don’t think DiCaprio is amazingly handsome, he’s definitely not ugly.

    But he acted his ass off in J. Edgar, and I think he should’ve gotten the oscar that year, not colin firth.

    Reply
    • Sarah Lorraine

      I definitely agree that he’s aged into being a pretty good actor (as well as aged into his weird head). I’m far more likely to watch him in current films now than I was 15-20 years ago.

      Reply
  11. Liutgard

    This past few years I’ve thought his acting craft has improved considerable. However, the dishwater blond hair always looks like it’s a week past wash day, and yes, the patchy facial hair is annoying. I think the ‘baby face’ thing is because of the very heart-shaped face he has going on. Not much jawline. I thought he looked decent in Django though.

    He’s getting too old for the ingenue roles now- where to go now?

    Reply
    • ladylavinia1932

      What ingenue roles? DiCaprio hasn’t done any “ingenue roles” in years. Come to think of it, aside from “TITANIC”, I don’t recall him being in those kind of roles.

      Reply
        • ladylavinia1932

          That was at least two years after “TITANIC”, when he was still in that stage of his career. The guy moved on over a decade ago.

          Reply
          • Susan Pola Staples

            So true. I previously mentioned that I liked the Aviator and Hoover, also I forgot that I liked him Catch Me if You Can. Tom Hanks was in it too. Need I say more??

            Reply
  12. ladylavinia1932

    I’ve been a major Leonardo DiCaprio fan ever since I saw him in that Sharon Stone Western called “The Quick and the Dead”.

    And unlike others, I can tell that he has aged over the years. And rather well, as far as I’m concerned. I have never demanded that DiCaprio be some cover boy for GQ magazine. He is too damn talented to waste his career being some beefcake poster boy.

    Reply
  13. Melponeme_k

    You forgot his reteam with Kate Winslet in the 1960s era Revolutionary Road!

    DiCaprio is hit or miss with me. But I like him in most things even Titanic. I really loathed his Great Gatsby. Not because of him but because the Baz decided to cover the story with technicolor vomit and completely missed the point of the story.

    Reply
    • Trystan L. Bass

      I loathe everything about that Gatsby (click the link to see my hate!) — he’s so smarmy & gross & unappealing & unlike Jay Gatsby. Also, Carey Mulligan, but wait for it, we’ll get to her later this week ;-)

      Reply
      • Melponeme_k

        I wasn’t even going to mention Mulligan. Because she makes steam blow from ears and my eyes turn red with that simper of hers. I try to avoid any movie that she appears in. Can’t wait for that snark.

        Reply
    • ladylavinia1932

      I love Baz’s “THE GREAT GATSBY”. It was the only time I actually understood a screen version of the story without falling asleep.

      Reply
      • Melponeme_k

        Well, Luhrman got the story wrong on all accounts. This is what comes when a non-American tries to film the most American story written.

        One thing I don’t understand is why filmmakers push the parties. The parties were the least important events in the book.

        Reply
  14. Abby

    I kinda liked him in “Catch Me If You Can.” As for “Titanic”, it’s in the same category as cartoons of the 80’s—the best thing since sliced bread at the time, but kind of an embarrassment now.

    Reply
  15. SarahV

    The only time I’ve found him remotely attractive was in The Great Gatsby, but it might just have been me in a swoon for Carey Mulligan’s fabulous costumes and the overall swervy setting. He does look pretty hot, sitting there in a pique wearing that excellent white suit in the displayed picture.

    Reply
    • Peggy Elizabeth

      I tried, really, really tried to like him as Gatsby, but I couldn’t stop comparing him to Robert Redford. The way Redford looked in that pink suit ruined everyone else in that role for me.

      Reply
  16. Maria

    I couldn’t stand him in Titanic and when he finally went under – I almost clapped – lol. I liked him in Catch Me If You Can and in Romeo and Juliet. He was tolerable in The Quick and the Dead. Couldn’t stand him in anything else I’ve seen him in – though I haven’t seen Revenant yet – not sure I will

    Reply
  17. Susan Pola Staples

    I thought he should have gotten it for Hoover. Will watch 2ND Kate Winslet film Revolutionary Road.

    Reply
  18. Bea

    I remember reading someone describing LDC as “unattractively veiny.”
    So Veiny, with a straggle of Weedy.

    Reply
  19. Misty Sabrina Smith

    I thought I was the only one who loved Titanic for the sets, costumes & the beautiful ship! Thank you x

    Reply
    • Susan Pola

      I thought the sets and costumes amazingly in Titanic. It’s one of the reasons I love the film. I thought Ms Winslet brilliant as Rose.

      Reply
  20. Alyxx Iannetta

    I thought he was a pretty standard looking Hollywood teen (even if he was pushing 25!) – not my speed but I get why girls like him – but as he’s gotten older, he still has that same baby face on a man’s head and it’s just getting freaky looking.

    Reply
  21. Bonnie-Lynn Nadzeika

    I was always confused why people found Leo attractive in Titanic. Since about 10th grade I prefer men who have gone through puberty. But what gets me is the head. How does it go from too small to pumpkinesque? Same thing with Robert Wagner. I don’t understand this physical phenomenon and it deeply disturbs me.

    Reply
  22. Lynn253

    I don’t see him as heartthrob material either, but his acting has gotten better. I liked him in Gangs of New York and The Revanent. I don’t know what Rose saw in him in Titanic, maybe because he was supposed to be a sweet boy next door kind of character.

    One of my favorite memories:
    Me: Mom, do you want to watch Titanic with me?
    Mom: I saw that movie already, what was it called? A Night to Remember?
    Me: No, this is a new movie, it’s got a love story, it’s supposed to be really good.
    Mom: But I know how it ends.

    Reply

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