Point of Honor (2015): A Letter

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Dear Amazon,

I get it. You liked Snark Week. We all liked Snark Week. It was a fun fiesta of hideousness and misguided attempts at what my mother would call “snazzing up” historical costume. We’d all like it to come back, and we appreciate you dangling an interesting worm on the end of your hook.

But look. While it’s sweet that you’ve decided to put your toe into the icy cold waters of the deep end with a little piece of what the French call cinéma, there’s a reason these signs are posted all around the pool:

you must be this tall to ride this rideThat’s because it generally takes a bit of thought and effort to put together any TV show, let alone one with a historical setting.

But I get it. You’d like more Snark Week. You’re thinking, “I’m a good person! I didn’t do anything to deserve the joy and thrill of Snark Week being pulled from my sensitive fingers!” And in fact, you feel kind of left out. Did any of YOUR shows make it into our snarking? No!

We all share your pain, and we’re here if you just need a hug.

But I find it rather juvenile that you’ve decided to taunt us with “Point of Honor: a Sweet Valley High Production.”

Sweet Valley Point of Honor

Look. I’m not even a huge U.S. Civil War nerd myself. It’s a pretty sad story, what with all the people dying for the right of other people to enslave yet more people. Also, there’s a lot of hoop skirts, bonnets, and general butter-churny Aunt Pittypat-ness to contend with. (Okay, at least there are no unfortunate biggins).

And I do get that Lila Fowler and Jessica Wakefield can be mean and pushy. You show them an 1862 Godey’s Lady’s Book fashion plate, and they say, “NO. I want to wear this fuchsia neoprene jumpsuit from Lisette’s, and you can’t stop me.” And even if Enid says, “Come on, guys, let’s just wear the Pittypat dresses,” who can fight Lila’s steely gaze? So you compromise. I mean, compromise is a good thing, right?

So you let Lila wear the slut dress, just to shut her up. That makes perfect sense.

Point of Honor TV costume review

Lila said, “If my tits aren’t out, I’m calling Daddy!” What can you do?

Screen-Shot-2015-01-20-at-10.56.45-AM

Daddy Fowler is proud of his little girl’s… assets.

It was kind of Lila to agree to wear a tablecloth, so long as her tits were out.

It was kind of Lila to agree to wear a tablecloth, so long as her tits were out.

And you talk Jessica into the blue dress, because Bruce Patman once complemented her on her blouse matching her eyes.

Jessica Wakefield agreed to a slightly more demure look in the hopes of getting a ride home in 1BRUCE1.

 

And of course, who would want to tell Jessica that she can’t have bangs? Not me!

Those bangs make me sad too, Jessica.

Those bangs make me sad too, Jessica.

And we know that the Lay-deez wouldn’t forgive you if took Bruce’s hair gel away. We get it. Nobody wants a riot.

point-of-honor-2

“I shall defend my right to floppy-yet-styled hair to my dying breath!” -Bruce Patman

But Enid was into this! She played hours of Oregon Trail as a kid. She was ready for the Holly Hobby outfit. So why the squishy-boob faux-renfaire bodice?

Really, Enid would have been perfectly happy in a big white muumuu.

I am glad, however, that you opted to keep the girls’ hair extensions. We all know that Sweet Valley is a leading purchaser of weaving hair, and in tough economic times like this, well, it’s your patriotic duty.

Luckily the hair flows free in Sweet Valley.

 

In closing, Amazon, we hear you. You miss the Snark. And you’re sad that your show wasn’t included in the official Snark Week(TM). Well, we’re here to apologize, and to say that it won’t happen again.

Sincerely,

The Frock Flicks Team

 

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About the author

Kendra

Website

Kendra has been a fixture in the online costuming world since the late 1990s. Her website, Démodé Couture, is one of the most well-known online resources for historical costumers. In the summer of 2014, she published a book on 18th-century wig and hair styling. Kendra is a librarian at a university, specializing in history and fashion. She’s also an academic, with several articles on fashion history published in research journals.

13 Responses

  1. athene

    WTF? Looks like Hootchy meets the Clampetts couture. Terrifying. Please don’t tell me there was an actual costumer/designer attached a name to this.

    Reply
  2. James S.

    Free!! Oh boy! I wouldnt watch it if they paid me! They could have saved even more money and just put the ladies in jeans and tank tops no less authentic than this.

    Reply

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