So I think my thing with French actor Vincent Cassel is: 1. French accent. 2. I feel like shagging him would be really really hot, then would be followed by a super sketchy trip into the Parisian drug underworld that would probably end in some kind of Requiem for a Dream sobbing, but again, the sex was hot so we’d have that. I know, I’m totally extrapolating from the number of French criminals he’s played…
Jefferson in Paris (1995)
The Pupil (1996)
“Morgan, a sensitive 12-year-old, growing up in richness and royalty, finds a true friend in Julien, a young man hired to tutor him,” per IMDB.
One of the major reasons I love Cassel — playing cross-dressing French suitor to Queen Elizabeth, the duc d’Anjou, with his “très grand clé!” (very big key — ya know, it’s a penis joke!).
He plays “Gilles de Rais,” whoever that is (ok, companion to Joan and later on a serial killer. Really). Lots of armor.
Brotherhood of the Wolf (2001)
He plays “Jean-François” in this 18th-century horror/costume/martial arts mix-up.
Western, don’t care.
A Dangerous Method (2011)
Jung, Freud, and Keira Knightley chafin’ away! He plays Otto Gros, psychoanalyst, follower of Freud, and later anarchist.
The Monk (2011)
As a 17th-century Spanish monk. I’m sensing a lot of sackcloth and ashes…
Beauty and the Beast (2014)
For Trystan’s sanity, I will point out: NOT HISTORICAL. For my own, I’m including it to avoid 3 million “You forgot!” comments.
Child 44 (2015)
Stalin, World War II, Tom Hardy. Boy movie!
Tale of Tales (2015)
Looking good in this 17th-century Italian fairy tale!
Gauguin: Voyage to Tahiti (2018)
French artist Paul Gaugin’s affair with a young Tahitian girl. Gag. And now I know that Cassel has a 20-year-old girlfriend. Double gag.
The Great Mystical Circus (2018)
“Follows a century in the lives of the Knieps, an Austrian family of circus owners,” per IMDB.
L’Empereur de Paris (2018)
IMDB gives us a summary that makes me think Google Translate was involved: “Under the reign of Napoleon, François Vidocq, the only man to be escaped of the greatest penal colony of the country, is a legend of the low-Parisian fund. Left for dead after its last spectacular escape, the ex-penal colony prisoner tries to make him forget under the traits of a single trader.”
What’s your take on Vincent Cassel’s hotness? Would the shagging be worth the aftermath?