Answering Your Most Pressing Questions 2: Electric Boogaloo

11

Back in March, 2016, we did something bad. Or genius. You decide:

One of the things I find interesting is looking at our site stats here at Frock Flicks … and most entertaining is our search terms. Meaning, people are searching for these things, and they’ve hit on our site as a possible source. Most of them are what you’d expect: “poldark 1975,” “outlander costumes,” “anne boleyn.” But some of them are HIGH-larious, to me anyway, and a few months ago I thought — let’s pull out some of the good ones, and help that searcher on their way! (AKA I’ve always wanted to write an advice column).

That moment of insanity resulted in our genius (curtsy) post: Answering Your Most Pressing Questions.

Welp, you crazy kids are STILL searching for randomly hilarious stuff, so it’s time for a round 2! Here we gooooo…..

 

reasons to be irritated

What, is it Festivus already? In some ways this blog is all ABOUT reasons to be irritated, so I could just repost everything we’ve ever written. Except, yes, we do praise when praise is due. Instead, I’ll just point you to Snark Week. Have fun!

 

what is the costume worn in historical movies by women

Really, that depends. It might be an exact reproduction of what real women wore in that place and time, or it might be total bullshit.

historical movie costumes

These are all costumes worn in historical movies by women. Satisfied?

 

period costumes hollywood got wrong

DO WE HAVE ALL WEEK? Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you our archives. Y’all can also search the site.

Frock flicks site search

We have these handy-dandy little boxes on the right side of the website! On mobile, just scroll down to find them!

 

sexual period costume dramas
dangerous porn
sex from behind against the wall
videos of scottish men wearing kilts shall win they are penises while somebody is recording at secretly

YOU GUYS. Can we address the Scottish-men-wearing-kilts-who-are-penises-and-winning-while-someone-is-recording-secretly issue first?

EXT A Scottish moor – Day

Hundreds of battle-ready, kilt-wearing men are lined up in an endless horizontal line, with the sun and wind beating at their faces.

The camera pans across the line, then stops on:

MEL GIBSON: Brave men of Scotland! It is time to display your true nature and trounce these poncy Englishmen!

The CROWD cheers.

Suddenly, a man on horseback is seen in the distance. He rides at a furious pace towards the camera. As he comes into view, the camera tightens on the face of

SAM HEUGHAN: Wait! I have pressing news for My Lord Gibson!

MEL GIBSON: Do you mind? We are about to ride into battle!

SAM HEUGHAN: But The Oracle has spoken!

A hush falls over the crowd. The men look reverentially toward HEUGHAN.

MEL GIBSON: Good God man! Why didn’t you say so immediately? What did The Oracle say?

SAM HEUGHAN: She said that the only way Scotland shall win today is if we dress up as penises!

THE CROWD gasps.

MEL GIBSON: But we already ARE dressed as penises!

SAM HEUGHAN: Good point! Let’s do this!

MEL GIBSON: FOR SCOTLAND!!!!!!!!!

And, scene. I don’t know if I can help you out with your dangerous porn or your sex from behind, but once again, we do have posts about hot sex in costume dramas, not-so-hot sex in costume dramas, being annoyed when they edit out all the sex, and the advice for filming good historical sex scenes.

 

tits kiss archives
long pierced nippel
actress nipples pierced
clothes from which nipples can be seen
actress nipples
movie actress real boobs niple pic
did women show cleavage in 1500

First of all, let’s discuss the spelling of “nipple.” I know that historically, spelling wasn’t that standardized, but in today’s era of predictive typing, can we try to do a little better? Please?

Beyond that … really, you all just want to look at the faux-pierced-nipple swans in Outlander. You really do.

Outlander 2x2

 

nude stupid wednesday

Well, we’ve had Woman Crush Wednesday, and What the Frock Wednesday, and Witchy Wednesday. I suppose we could institute Nude Stupid Wednesday, although what exactly would that entail? Should we write reviews of stupid movies while not wearing any clothes? I doubt that would be as stimulating as you might think, since we’re not much for filming ourselves writing blog posts…

 

list of unsanitary things royalty did in the 1400s
french nobles defecated outside
there are still walls inside versailles palace that show having been urinated on
facts about using the castle curtains to pee
shit umbrella versailles
was the palace of versailles full of shit
victorian sanitary hygiene
pissing tub toilette
how does queens piss and poop in pots show in pics
did people shower in 18th century france
was versailles full of poop
what persuade people to bathe regularly during the 18th century
versailles ladies would poop behind curtains
king louis xiv shit palace after ball
people stink 18th century
logger sleeves and toileting

Guys, I think I have more questions here than you do. REALLY? REALLY??!! I mean, I get being interested in this kind of thing, but how do YOU think queens pissed and pooped in pots? Uh, maybe by squeezing one out/letting it go? Into a pot? Does this really need an instructional video?

And I can get the whole “17th/18th century Versailles was the grandest place on earth and yet they regularly shit on the curtains” scatalogical horror/interest. It’s totally not true, but I can see how that would pique one’s interest. I am still confused as to how y’all think humanity managed to survive this long without all dying of cholera, but I can see the interest factor.

To address some things specifically:

  • French nobles defecated outside: Probably not anymore than you or I do.
  • There are still walls inside versailles palace that show having been urinated on: Please show me these. I’ve been to Versailles three times and have yet to notice this.
  • Did people shower in 18th century France: No, because showers hadn’t been invented yet. They bathed. In a tub, or with a basin and cloth.
  • People stink 18th century: Sure, you’ve got your body odor but you’ve also got perfume.

 

how did people smell in the 1700s

With their noses. rimshot

Tom Hiddleston - rimshot

 

did women bathe guests in scotland?

Dunno! Seems pretty scandalous for such a religious country, but Scottish experts, weigh in.

Wooden Baths, Ltd.

 

crossdressing medieval

We definitely need more medieval movies depicting cross-dressing! Most of those that I can think of are 17th to 20th centuries.

Joan of Arc (Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure)

Does Ms. Of Arc count?

 

facts about the white princess

  1. It was a book written by Philippa Fucking Gregory in 2013
  2. Which was adapted into a TV miniseries by Starz in 2017
  3. The costumes sucked royal ass
White Princess

 

is there a website where i can purchase authentic 17th and 18th century prince and princess attire

Sure, if you want to commission something from a historical seamstress and pay at least $1,000, minimum, for labor.

 

demelza hairstyle
how to do your hair like demelza on poldark

I’m not sure WHY you would want to do this, but okay: set your hair into curlers, pull out the curlers, run your fingers through your hair, sleep on some hay. Done!

Demelza, Poldark

 

poldark is a jerk
why is poldark so boring

Fist bump.

 

marie antoinette was blond

Yes, and China is a country in Asia. We are aware.

Full House - duh

 

a picture of the big hog in.pride n prejudice

It’s a classic!

Pig.

 

keira knightley gets her corset laced too tight

Does she? She gets de-corseted in The Duchess. I’m sure there’s some yanking-on-corset-strings in some of her other movies…

 

i love to be nun

Rock on, sister. So did Maria, and look how that worked out for her.

The Little Hours - nun

 

forck movies

We handle frocks. Any forks must be a different blog.

forks

 

the events, trials and tribulations of the city of makkah in 7th century ad

Nope, not doing your homework for you.

 

menstrual apron 1790

Uh … is that a thing? How would a menstrual apron work? Why 1790? Why not 1791?

Frontier (2016- )

 

a story of a costume designer who didnt pick up a laundry

The Horror gif

THE HORROR

 

What other pressing questions can we answer for you?

11 Responses

  1. Susan Pola Staples

    Love this. Millions, no trillions of lol. Especially loved the Gibson-Heughan penis bit. Also the forks. But why not say forks is the auto-correct version of Frocks? 😇
    Also the Versailles bits.

    Reply
  2. Bea

    “facts about the white princess
    It was a book written by Philippa Fucking Gregory in 2013
    Which was adapted into a TV miniseries by Starz in 2017
    The costumes sucked royal ass”

    Water. Water in the nasal passages. Thank god it wasn’t coffee.

    Reply
  3. picasso Manu

    NO I DIDN’T WANT TO SEE THE NIPPLE DRESS FROM OUTLANDER!! No, seriously guys, I don’t. It’s very bad for my blood pressure. Each time. As for the scatological obsession with Versailles, I have a theory: Envy, and a deep seated need to trash the place, even if only in legend. French Republican historians started it just to trash the “ancien régime”, but I must say other countries took that bit and ran with it!

    Reply
  4. Colleen Crosby

    Love it!

    “keira knightley gets her corset laced too tight” It’s a plot point in Pirates of the Caribbean?

    Reply
  5. Saraquill

    Menstrual aprons are actually mentioned in a Your Wardrobe Unlock’d article called “Victorian Underwear Myths.” They were waterproof things tied on backwards to discourage staining.

    Reply
  6. Jeanne

    “nude stupid wednesday” oh my god I actually laughed out loud. I dont know what it means, but it resonates with me in ways I cant explain

    Reply

Feel the love

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.